wake up i wanna do it froggy style
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Boobs are out for the taking
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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