I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
