i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
