Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
