in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
