drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
