I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
