Where is the hickey?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
