11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
