I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
