That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
