; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize