U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
