I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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