Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
