Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
