I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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