is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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