operation harelip BJ is a go
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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