Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
