your parents love me but you hate me
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
