Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
