Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
