HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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