I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
