Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
