Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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