I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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