why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
