remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Houston, we have a blender
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
