hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
