im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize