Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
