He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
