It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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