I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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