Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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