Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
