well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize