The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
