dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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