better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
