She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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