I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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