so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
