I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Drunk is not a location!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
