Can i not drive my cunt home
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
