I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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