he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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