you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize