I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
