I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
