He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
