I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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