You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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