Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
