What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize