Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
