I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
