I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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