I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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