when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
