Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
We're hate flirting, damnit.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
