I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize