she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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