There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
