You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
