New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
