why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
