Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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