..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
