i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
