Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize