Sponge bath it is.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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