I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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