She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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