let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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