she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
