Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
