she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
