Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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