Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
