Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
