Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
