Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
