Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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