Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize