you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
