So drunk, too bad you don't want this
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
