New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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