morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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