4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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